Mexican Spa Experience

Mexican Spa Experience

The Mexican Spa ladies, Yolanda and Josie, sat outside on the back steps smoking.

“They sure have a lot of holidays,” Josie said, rubbing her hands together.

“What’s this one?” Yolanda asked. “Ballyntyne’s Day?”

“Who knows?” Josie chuckled, flicked her long ashes onto the sand. “I think it’s Martin Leather King somebody.”

Yolanda scrunched her eyes. “Who?”

“Maybe Benjamin Franklin Day.” They stared at the ocean. The sizzling noon sun baked them in their smocks. “I can’t take this anymore.”

“Me either.” Yolanda ran her hand through coarse, wavy hair. “I’m over this,” she said. “Working on fat, fucked up American women.”

Josie took a long drag on her cigarette. “Fatter, fattest,” she said, puffing her cheeks out like a blowfish.

They giggled, then had fits of laughter that seemed endless.

“Hey, Josie, your next client is here,” the manager called out the window.

Josie threw her unfinished butt into the ocean. “You mean, my next whale?” she said over her shoulder, popping in a mint.

Yolanda laughed so hard she farted.


About Robert Vaughan

Originally from NY, Robert leads week long National writing retreats at sites like Mabel Dodge Luhan House, Synergia Ranch, and EarthRise IONS. His poems and fiction are published in over 500 print and online magazines, such as Necessary Fiction, BlazeVOX, Los Angeles Weekly, Literary Orphans and Smokelong Quarterly. He is Editor-in-Chief at (b)OINK magazine and leads round- tables for Redoak Writing in Milwaukee. He is six times a Pushcart Prize Nominee and his fiction and poetry have won awards, including a Micro-Fiction runner-up (2012) and twice a finalist in the Gertrude Stein Fiction Award (2013-14). His books are: Microtones (Cervena Barva Press); Diptychs + Triptychs + Lipsticks + Dipshits (Deadly Chaps); Addicts & Basements (Civil Coping Mechanisms); RIFT, co-authored with Kathy Fish (Unknown Press), and FUNHOUSE (Unknown Press).
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10 Responses to Mexican Spa Experience

  1. Andrea says:

    LOL, This is hilariously you.

  2. Suzi says:

    Hey Rob –
    I LOVE this one! Having read most of the shorts you have, I’ve noticed that you have a real flair for capturing the little idiosyncrasies of people that make them so endearingly “human.” The fact that Yolanda laughed till she farted – who hasn’t done that?


  3. Don says:

    You have a knack for controversial humor and handling it deftly. I think this piece is funny, but I can see how it might push buttons for others. And yet, the best writing ought to. Well done.

  4. david says:

    Love it.. Love that.. I’ve been working on fat american ladies and let a slightly but deadly out.. grabbed the “aromatherapy” or coughed loudly when my ass was about to explode… nothing like the FABULOUS power women from DC: they would come to the spa in Arlington, right off the subway (metro) having had walked in the halls of government all day.. in pantyhose, thigh high boots, and wool skirt suits… then promptly at 645pm run up the subway steps into the spa for their 7 pm appointments.. the DELIGHTFUL fragrance that leaked from their moist crotches would remind you of a warm summer night while getting a perm in the Calcutta leper colony and the dying mother of my camel would vomit last night’s allo gobi…. DELIGHTFUL!!!!

  5. Shari says:

    I was going to say this was a little on the mean side for such a significant holiday we have today. But then, I was laughing so hard at the end I thought, oh screw it. Too funny!

  6. Angela says:

    I was laughing just reading the title! Thanks for the yuks today, my friend! X@

  7. Dez says:

    Had a blast reading this. I’m still laughing after the second and third read.

  8. Dr. Crunk says:

    The craft of the piece comes into play when the reader is forced to dismiss the pretense of propriety having been overwhelmed by the relentless gasping of an old-fashioned belly laugh, interrupted by snorts!!

  9. Beverly says:

    So much fun you share with the world, Robert. How do you do it?

  10. Gloria says:

    There’s your silliness. LOL

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