Personal Jesus

Personal Jesus

A bubble of joy explodes in his belly as he emerges from the car park into the glorious seaside sunshine.

“Jesus is coming!” he shouts out his window to the passersby on Vermont Avenue.  “Wake up, everybody! Prepare ye!” he chants, his voice pitched with a frenzy that echoes his earlier incantations at the meeting of Christian Scientists. Where this very morning, he experienced for the first time speaking in tongues, writhing on the floor while the parishioners held him safely. One of the more verbal church-goers, Shandra yelled, “You’s seeing the light, boy!” And he was. He DID.

Now, driving on Santa Monica Boulevard, he is so full of Jesus, so full of the almighty God that he misses the red light, feels like he’s on a JOY RIDE, like he’s at Space Mountain. Doesn’t even realize a police officer tails him, the red lights flashing, sirens wailing.

“Pull over, son,” the officer’s loudspeaker says.

“Dear God!” he says, pulling to the curb in front of Pink’s Hot Dog Stand. “Praise the Lord!” he shouts to the people waiting in line.

“Nutcase,” a girl with dreads mumbles to her friend.

“Driver’s license and registration?” the policeman asks. He peers into the back seat of the vehicle. Crosses his arms.

“Have you seen Jesus lately sir?” the man says. “Are you ready to meet your own personal Jesus?”

The policeman pauses. Assesses. “Okay, buddy, out of the car.”

“Jesus is coming!” the man says, eyes rapt, glowing. “Halleluiah!” he sings.

“That’s nice, buddy, now get out before I help you out.”


About Robert Vaughan

Originally from NY, Robert leads week long National writing retreats at sites like Mabel Dodge Luhan House, Synergia Ranch, and EarthRise IONS. His poems and fiction are published in over 500 print and online magazines, such as Necessary Fiction, BlazeVOX, Los Angeles Weekly, Literary Orphans and Smokelong Quarterly. He is Editor-in-Chief at (b)OINK magazine and leads round- tables for Redoak Writing in Milwaukee. He is six times a Pushcart Prize Nominee and his fiction and poetry have won awards, including a Micro-Fiction runner-up (2012) and twice a finalist in the Gertrude Stein Fiction Award (2013-14). His books are: Microtones (Cervena Barva Press); Diptychs + Triptychs + Lipsticks + Dipshits (Deadly Chaps); Addicts & Basements (Civil Coping Mechanisms); RIFT, co-authored with Kathy Fish (Unknown Press), and FUNHOUSE (Unknown Press).
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8 Responses to Personal Jesus

  1. Andrea says:

    Reach out touch faith.

  2. Shari says:

    I really enjoy your humorous writing, this one was FUN!

  3. Don says:

    A mash-up of Depeche Mode and Christian Scientists! Nice job.

  4. theprayerlady says:

    Thru your writing I can feel his joy and love and can just feel that the officer is going to bring him down some way, just believing he’s on drugs or something. LOL good story. Love Mom

  5. david says:

    very funny

  6. Beverly says:

    You are too funny. This is religious conviction to the utmost. And that he might be in trouble with the law? Brings the stakes even higher. And higher.

  7. carolyn says:

    This was so great to read, I think this guy lives down the street from me! I believe he was lost, must of gotten on the wrong freeway as he usually parked right outside of Trader Joe’s. Jesus at Trader Joe’s.

  8. Dez says:

    What a fun story, and I enjoyed this very much. I think he lives close to me, possibly, if not Carolyn! Might be a neighbor of mine who wants all of us to become Christian Scientists. Not for me, anyhow! I like how you use your humor to make this story fun and silly, yet very dramatic at the same time.

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