Bag a Brit

Bag a Brit

‘Risk new friendships’ was number seven on Maureen’s list. But she still hadn’t mastered number one- Bag a Brit! Maureen had been in London over a week without any luck at all of meeting that one Prince Harry. How she adored him, searched for him during her Tower of London tour, scanned the patrons of the Tate Gallery, scouring faces (and other body parts) for just the right fellow.

After high tea at her hotel, Cadigan Gardens, she called her best friend, Tallie, in New York. “It’s my last night here, and all I’ve had is tea and crumpets with some nervous fellow named Shlomo.”

“Maureen, you have to go to one of the infamous London pubs.”

“But which one? How would I know?” She pinned her long blonde hair atop her head.

“Hang on,” Tallie said.

Maureen paced, glancing into her gilded hotel mirror. She noticed circles under her eyes, the grey showing at her roots. Her recent divorce had taken its toll.

“Are you there?” Tallie asked.


“Got a pen?”

“Hang on.” Maureen walked to the hotel desk, opened a drawer to find appliqued stationery with a logo and a pen with same. She sat down at the desk. “Okay, ready.”

“Try Charrington’s or The King’s Arm, or The Globe. Ask your concierge at the Gardens for the addresses, but supply the pub names with plenty of time before you leave the hotel.”

Maureen scribbled the names. “Thanks, Tal, but how did you ever find the names?”

“I dug out my postcard from Roger’s last visit. I have them all in the same box in my closet.”

Maureen gasped. “Roger? As in, Roger Bennington?” Tallie hadn’t mentioned his name since Tallie had broken up with him.

“The only Roger I know.”

Maureen twirled a lock of hair that had fallen to her shoulder. “Is he in London now?”

“I believe he is, would you like his London number?”

Would I? Maureen looked her her list again. Bag a Brit was number one. Would tonight wipe that from her list for good? “Sure.”


About Robert Vaughan

Originally from NY, Robert leads week long National writing retreats at sites like Mabel Dodge Luhan House, Synergia Ranch, and EarthRise IONS. His poems and fiction are published in over 500 print and online magazines, such as Necessary Fiction, BlazeVOX, Los Angeles Weekly, Literary Orphans and Smokelong Quarterly. He is Editor-in-Chief at (b)OINK magazine and leads round- tables for Redoak Writing in Milwaukee. He is six times a Pushcart Prize Nominee and his fiction and poetry have won awards, including a Micro-Fiction runner-up (2012) and twice a finalist in the Gertrude Stein Fiction Award (2013-14). His books are: Microtones (Cervena Barva Press); Diptychs + Triptychs + Lipsticks + Dipshits (Deadly Chaps); Addicts & Basements (Civil Coping Mechanisms); RIFT, co-authored with Kathy Fish (Unknown Press), and FUNHOUSE (Unknown Press).
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15 Responses to Bag a Brit

  1. Cynthia says:

    Hilarious, the contrast with the serious tone, and Maureen’s intentions. Lots of fun.

  2. Andrea says:

    Good story, bad idea Miss Maureen. Never mess with yo’ friends men…yes even ex ones. No, no, no, no.

  3. Theo says:

    Wish I was Roger. The tangled webs we weave! This was fun, thanks. Love the details, names of London. Places me right there.

  4. Wallace says:

    Fun story, and I have to say, this might be the difference between a man’s opinion and a woman’s (with all due respect, Andrea!)… but I say, GO FOR IT! Knock that one off your list, Maureen.

  5. Yasmine says:

    Not to start a battle of the sexes (about ex-es) here, but I whole-heartedly agree with Andrea: Maureen ought to bag a Brit (great expression) that is a good buddy of Roger’s. NOT ROGER! No, no, no, no! LOL

  6. Dez says:

    I had no clue that someone would keep a list of what they wanted to do when on vacation (or business? wasn’t indicated) and number one might be to ‘bag a Brit?’ I admire the way that your brain thinks, and also writes, and boy is it a wonderful surprise every day when I read a piece of yours.

  7. Shari says:

    Shlomo. Great name. Location details are very astute. Have to tune in on the female side of this story: don’t do it, Maureen! Not a good idea, too much potential baggage. On the other hand, if she does bag Roger, great stuff with unlimited potential for fiction!

  8. david says:

    LOL.. I could go for a Roger in London… Cadigan Garden’s… LOL. I laughed… I almost cried.. I think I understood it? Such a fun story… were there free cigarettes in the ash trays? My my my….

    If the pound drops any more LET’S GO!!!

  9. JR Price says:

    This is goofy and fun! I love London, and wonder what Roger looks like, or does he just have that Roger Moore from James Bond charisma? Why is that Maureen seems so smitten just by the thought of possibly meeting up with him. Is it the goods, or the package, or the heart or the number one checkmark on her list? Questions, questions, questions! I really enjoyed this.

  10. Beverly says:

    Maureen is a bad girl! Bad enough to want to bag a brit, but even worse to choose her best pal Tallie’s ex-boyfriend, Roger. Did she not learn anything from her own failed marriage? Perhaps not.

  11. Angela says:

    I’m thinking if the first thing Maureen’s vacation list is to Bag a Brit…she may not be too concerned that it’s her good friend’s ex! Nice flow to the story – made me laugh!

  12. Don says:

    Okay, Maureen, let’s go find Roger and hope he has a nice gay buddy for me! Wouldn’t that be a fun evening?

  13. Suzi says:

    No NO NO Maureen! I’m fairly certain that “Breaking Girl Code” wasn’t on your bucket list. Bag the Brit…..just not Roger the Brit.

  14. Tom Froehlich says:

    LOL. Great excerpt about someone trying to get laid on vacation! Interesting how she was outwardly calm when getting Roger’s number.

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